Counting Blessings

I once was a worrier.

Oh, how I wish I could make that statement with complete truthfulness. More accurately would be, I once was much more of a worrier. Worries are like darkness in my life growing fields of little stress-filled mushrooms. During times in my life, as with all of us, the darkness is abundant and the fungus of stress threatens to take over our garden of life.

Laura Story's "Blessings" is playing as I''m writing these, and she poses the question of what if these trials, these raindrops, these worries, are truly blessings. Worry robs our blessings is what I've always been told, but I believe God can turn our worries to blessings if we continue to have faith. We will always worry. We're human, and that is our nature, but it is when that situation that we have seen as darkness, as something causing strife and stress in our life is seen under the light of God's glory in His perfect timing that we see it for what it really is... a blessing.

Easter

An Invitation to Imagine

A heart-wrenching, heart-stirring read of 3 days that changed the world.

Sunshine, Joy and Laughter

Source

Ecclesiastes 11:7
Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun.

Still a cold day for spring in the south (or anywhere for that matter), but the sunshine today is gorgeous! It is indeed sweet and warms my body and soul. It is exciting as my blog really starts to come to life and the sweet comments folks are making along the way. I feel like a child at a birthday party just getting more and more excited as the time goes by. Whether it grows or not, I am thankful for the opportunity to share my faith and thoughts on my heart and use it as a way to journal these days of my life.

One important memory I want to record involves our never-ending hectic life these days. It seems like we never have a dull moment in the hustle and bustle, but my heart feels much lighter as God is showing me which parts are worth the hassle and which parts to release. Most importantly are the times with my sweet family. I just knew when my handsome little boy was born and introduced us into the world that is rambunctious/curious/loud/loving-boy, he would cause our first visit to the emergency room. To my surprise, his sister decided to slam each eyebrow into furniture 3 months apart with two stitches in one and four stitches in the other. It was a fairly easy introduction into emergency room preparedness with kids. Little did I know, my little 22 months old darling was going to keep my insurance company hopping with claims.



I know the picture quality is poor. Kind of hard to get a good picture of a wiggling boy. The fourth jump from the toddler bed to the floor resulted in a twisted ankle leading to a nice limp. The x-rays do not show a clear break, but doctor said it could show itself in a week to ten days with kids' bones. So, we have a pretty green cast on Mr. Rambunctious just in time for Easter. The good news is he has the sweetest nurse in his sister to take care of him.

The muscles we use the most are often the most strong. I believe God is giving me a good patience work-out this week.

When I Listen

This is a drawing my daughter did of our family. Left to right is me, my two lovely children and their dad. My expression seems to be one of concern. I don't honestly believe my daughter intended to draw my frantic look, but it definitely mirrors the feelings of my heart lately.



I shared with a dear friend a prayer request for her to pray that God show me how I can have more time in my life to do the things I truly feel He is calling me to do. She shared some truly inspiring words and advice which moved me to tears. She is a bold prayer warrior and has taught me how we should not water down our prayers to God. He is the Almighty God, and we should never think anything we might ask of Him is too much. There is no too much for God.

And so I prayed and I pray giving Him my time at work, my time at home, my travel time... my life. Just as my friend said, I ask Him to shake me, stir my life and throw away all the things that are taking up my time that do not and will not bring Him glory. Move me, God, as I lay prostrate before you with all that I have.

I listen. I listen for His voice, for His word.

When I listen He fills my email inbox with Rick Warren's Daily Hope telling me to come to the end of myself. I hear him share A.W. Tozer's quote, "The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We are still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us."

When I listen He sends the daily spiritual reflection from my employer to read;

We can get overwhelmed by information from the Internet, television, radio, print media, and too much noise from well-meaning friends. Granted, not all of it is bad news, but even when the reports are good, it feels like an onslaught. My brain is stuffed to the headache level. And none of this takes into account my personal worries about job, family, finances, and health. My mind needs a rest. But it never turns off.

Talking to friends sometimes ramps up the monkey-mind. Therapists and spiritual directors are good listeners. I talk to God, but the conversation stays in my head.

That is when my journal is the best respite. When I write my prayers of personal concern, my mind releases the burden of carrying all the weight. I write a personal letter to God, and now my mind is clear because I can wait for God's answer. When I stop talking, God can then get a word in...and that word can be comforting.

When I listen I realize He is always right there, just beyond all the noise that I allow to fill my life. He is right there waiting, and the only thing between God and me is what I put there. 

O Spring, Where Art Thou?

Source

A wind chill of below freezing for our sixth day of spring caused me to dig up this quote and picture. The seasons in the south are always just a bit off, but it seems like this spring is being tardy for everyone! Instead of enjoying popsicles on warm afternoons, I have friends sharing pictures of making snow-cream with their kids. There are pieces of every season that I love dearly. I love the rebirth and freshness of spring. Summer is probably my least favorite just because I am not a fan of our hot, humid weather, but I do enjoy watching my kids play in the pool and a cold glass of lemonade under a shade tree. Fall's colors light up my heart with the cozy feeling of love and family as the holidays near, and I love to share a cold winter's night with a fire warming our hands and hearts.

As the season has changed on the calendar but not so much on the weather man's report, it made me think of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

While we mark the beginning and end of a season on our calendars because those are the dates told to us by men studying the earth's relationship to the sun, this spring reminds me that God is the true author of our calendar. In our lives we will have a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, just as the scripture says. The times to weep may last longer than we would like. Our tears may continue to fall even when we pray for a change in the season of our life. We must always remember, the seasons of our environment, just as the seasons of our life, are planned by our Heavenly Father, and He has a purpose and a blessing for each one.

My Compass

Lately my life has felt like a broken compass. My sense of direction and focus are spinning so quickly that I barely know which way is up. With so many changes on the horizon for me and my family, I have initiated a time of taking stock in my life. Over the weekend I found myself sinking, falling into a dark place where stress and life events were pulling me into a pit and stripping me of my gravity, my peace, my joy.

It stopped me cold in my tracks for a moment as I realized what I was allowing to happen. Yes, I was allowing my joy to be taken away by situations around me. This quote about joy speaks volumes to my heart. For the past few years I have felt like there is more that I am supposed to be doing. No, not more items to put on my to-do list, but different items. As spring is trying so hard to bring bright colors and warm rays to our lives, I am taking this time to take stock. I want to do, be, share and spend more time with what brings me joy. I want my life to be about soaking up all the moments of joy I can before they fade away. I do believe there will always be joy to be found in every stage of life, but I don't want to miss the moments of joy in my life right now.

Short of our salvation, those two souls in that picture are God's greatest gift to my husband and I. They bring me great joy. They are full of life and personality and no darkness exists in their presence. I feel God calling me to be the woman, wife, mother, friend He wants me to be, and I feel the changes coming are going to be exactly what He requires of me to fulfill those duties.

I am excited.

I am nervous.

I am joyful.

Counting Down the Days

I love this quote by Karen von Blixen-Finecke. It rings of truth and experience from a woman who probably had many adversities like we all face every single day. She found her release, like we all do sometimes, through work, tears and getting away from it all. 

Some people pour themselves into their work when they are stressed, and may indeed do some of their very best work during those times. Personally, I tend to deep clean the house when I'm stressed, which is definitely making a positive from a negative. The emotional stress relief of crying may be the one I use most often. I call mine the meltdown. Honestly, I handle stress really well. I've had loved ones in the hospital for cardiac issues or sick babies running high fever with a cry that just breaks your heart. Through all those things, I hold it together to take care of the matter at hand. Emotions only get in the way at that point, so I try to stay focused and alert to always know what is going on around me and what decisions I need to make. Once I know those I love are safe; once I know the threat has passed; once I see them without pain and fear in their eyes, then I have my meltdown. My body releases all the emotions and fears it kept at bay in a huge flood that shakes me to my core. I firmly believe we need that total release in order to pull ourselves back together and go forward with our lives again. 

The final stress reliever she mentions is the sea. 

This is a picture my husband took on our last trip to Florida in September. Our trip is already booked for this year. There is something about the sound of the waves, the breeze like no other and the sand underfoot that literally melts away the burdens that weigh heavy on our shoulders. This is my very favorite!

Right now our lives are like walking through a thick forest where our path is filled with the unknown and uncontrollable. As we walk through this forest for the next year or so, my husband will take a new job in a new town which will take us away from all that we have ever known to be home; I will become a stay-at-home-mom, cutting our family income in half; I will start homeschooling my children as my daughter starts kindergarten, and my in-laws will continue their battle of the cancer that has invaded each of their bodies. The forest of unknowns. For a girl who likes a plan, this is not a good place to be. While some of our changes are exciting, they are all a bit terrifying; too terrifying to try to think about all at the same time. For now, we focus. We focus on the days until we are there for the salt water to aid in our stress relief, and we face one day at a time in the best way we know how.

Cherishing the little moments

Ethan and I are the early risers in our house. I have certainly been blessed with two babies who seem to love their crib/bed. Just as Emily did when she slept in the crib, Ethan will wake each morning and spend at least 20 minutes just talking and singing to himself. There are times when I will just watch him on the monitor as he has his own special way of greeting the day.

I always go in and check on them both as I get up to start the day. One morning this week, as I made my 4:30 a.m. check-up on them before heading to the shower, I walked in his room and he quickly sat up in his bed and started laughing. My arms reached down and picked up his warm little, pudgy body and pulled it to my chest. His curls tickled under my chin as he laid his head down, and I grabbed the fleece blanket and returned it to the cocoon-like wrap around his body. The house was still dark, and I eased into the living room to sit in the rocker that has rocked both my babies from infancy.

He did not raise his head again, but nestled more closely into my arms and body in that spot that is made just for a baby to rest. We rocked. The clock continued to tick, and the minutes were passing me by, but we rocked. He loves to hum a little in the early morning. Don't really talk to him at that time, but he will hum a conversation with you. He would make his little humming noises, and I would return with the same. We continued our unspoken rhyme with the gentle sway of the chair for several minutes until I felt that moment when a little body goes from awake to asleep. It was precious and perfect. I eased him back into his crib and started the routine of my day... all the while thanking God for a spectacular interruption and a very precious memory.

that Folgers commercial

I am blessed with two beautiful children. My daughter is four years old, and she is my princess. She is truly my mini-me, looking and acting just like I did at her age. We have a wonderful relationship, and I am so privileged to be her mother!

Mr. Handsome here just turned one in May. The day we found out Little Mister was indeed a mister will forever be burned in my brain. I was convinced I was having another little girl. Sweet little sisters. Nope, clearly our home would be doused in a baby blue bath of boyness. I was nervous immediately. My husband and I are not sports fans. He doesn't play golf or hunt critters of any sort. Would we be boy-friendly enough to ensure he was well rounded in all of the activities he would enjoy in life? Could we foster his interest in things that in no way interested us? Yes, all these thoughts before the first blue onesie was purchased, but still, it worried me.

Then he was born and everything changed.

I have learned first hand the magnetic bond between a mother and her son. Oh, true enough on some days, he is a daddy's boy, and YES, he's only fourteen months old, but... he's my little man, and I can't imagine our family without him.

You know that Folgers commercial when the son sneaks home for Christmas very early in the morning when just his sister is up to welcome him. He makes the coffee and mom and dad come down the stairs. When the mom has her eyes on him for the first time, she stops, she pauses for just a second and closes her eyes. She is saying in her heart, my son is home. She then grabs him and hugs him tight.

He does that to me every day!

I colored

Coloring was always something I loved doing as a child. I would sit for hours and entertain myself with a coloring book and a box of Crayolas. My daughter loves it as much as I did. There is something therapeutic about taking that crisp, white paper and gradually filling it full of bright hues of your choosing.

This past weekend, while I had dirty dishes in my sink, a flower bed in desperate need of attention and ironing that was not going to do itself... I colored. I sat with my daughter and filled in the sections on the paper with the color she told me matched the number. We talked about what we will do on our beach vacation in a few weeks. We laughed as we sat side by side.



 


A memory was made in a four year old's mind as well as one for her mother.
My heart and mind were at peace when I stopped to cherish this moment with her.

I love this quote, and it is such a shame that I've never seen anyone credited with speaking it into existence. Our lives are always going to be filled with chaos and chores, but we can have peace in the midst of these things. We can have peace with a box of crayons and spending 10 minutes to lift up your heart with the little things that seem so small, but are such a great medicine for the tired soul.




Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble. Psalm 119:165

Show Me

While I'm not one for pity parties, I know the importance of a good cry when it is needed. I've been through a lot in my life, more than some, but oh so much less than others. I've learned that drowning in your sorrows is a waste of time, but I appreciate the importance of taking a swim in them from time to time. Life certainly doesn't go the way we want it to always, but through the hardest times we learn to appreciate the joyful times that much more. The fall-apart cry is needed when your heart is broken or you are scared. I believe God knows how we need to fall apart and He is always there to put us back together again.

The song Show Me by Audrey Assad is written from the perspective of taking a swim in the sorrows. She knows God has put her into this pool of sadness for a reason, and she wants to appreciate that reason and soak up all the heartache of the moment. By tasting the bitterness of the sorrow, she is seasoning her palate for the sweet joy of the morning.



God is blessing me in the sweet and the bitter. I pray I always appreciate both.

My kind of pace

We recently took a family vacation to Branson, Missouri. While I have nothing against all the country shows and entertainment options, let's just say I'm not the first in line to purchase tickets to any of those things. What I do love the most about Branson is the pace of the town. Traffic around showtime is a nightmare, but no one seems to care. Folks will stop to let you in line and wave as they do so. Casual, calm and peaceful. Just the way I like it. Our lives are too filled with hustle and bustle, so the very last thing I want is more of that while on vacation. We stayed in a condo with walking distance to the river, and one of the best times we spent involved our toes in the cold water while we were throwing rocks. My kids loved it!

A jewel of a trip I found was our visit to Dogwood Canyon Nature Park. The park is owned by Bass Pro Shops which is evident throughout with the rustic touches in decor and layout. There are trout filled streams, cool flowing water and plenty of flora and fauna to fill your time. We enjoyed the tram ride through the park with lots of nice stops along the way for photo opportunities. I would have been happy as a clam to have spent the entire vacation here. It was perfect and peaceful!

Life is not meant to be as complicated as we make it. It was not designed to be that way, and that makes it all the more important that we remember to keep our foundation and focus where it is supposed to be so that we can survive the hustle and know the true peace...

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

65 to Start

This is me and my family in December 2011.



This is me and my handsome man in April of 2012.



We started a diet program and a commitment to lose weight on February 2, 2012. When we took this picture at the end of April, he had lost 62 pounds, and I had lost 55.

• No pills or shots
• No "magic" potions
• No frozen meals
• No gym membership
• No diet/weight-loss group

I've battled an issue with weight since I was a child. I would lose some then put it right back on. This is the first time I've lost this much weight and been this size in a very long time. Yesterday was my 36th birthday, and I've now lost a total of 65 pounds. If you had told me five months ago that I would be weighing in 65 pounds lighter by my birthday I would not have believed you. It just doesn't seem possible.

I've always been the one to buy the magazines at the check-out line where someone lost 30 pounds by standing on their head at straight up noon Pacific Time while facing east and singing "Hollaback Girl." Food items for each fad diet would end up in my shopping cart, and while some of them did indeed work for a season, nothing had a lasting result. Until now.

Everyone is asking me what the secret is. Honestly, you have everything you need to lose weight without buying one single thing. The difference this time is I meant it. I seriously made up my mind in my head and in my heart that 2012 is THE year. This is the year that I'm going to get this weight off, and I'm not going to let it come back. I firmly believe for some people food is as much a drug as cocaine or heroin. It tastes so good! The more butter on that biscuit, the better it tastes. My mind and body would crave it just like an addict, and just like with drugs, it was destroying my body. My back hurt almost constantly. I was so tired at times I would almost be in tears. Today, I feel so much better with a higher energy level and so many less aches and pains. The self-esteem boost is maybe the best feeling of them all. Trying on new clothes and knowing before those pants wouldn't even come above my thigh, but now they fit perfectly... that's an amazing feeling. 

A dream

I recently read a quote on Pinterest that said...

If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.

I have so many dreams that in and of themselves are not at all scary. It is when I decide to put action to those dreams that the scary part comes in. 2012 started with me focusing on the word purpose. I want to have purpose and there to be purpose in everything I do. Purpose in being a child of God, following Him as He would have me to. Purpose in being a wife and mother. Purpose in having a creative outlet through this blog and a side catering business where my true passions are fed. The year of 2012 is already half over, and I must say, I've accomplished some dreams this year. It was scary, and it was tough, but it was so very worth it!